December 28, 2005-January 3, 2006

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The Rock Show

Chronic—what?—cles Of Rock Show

By Peter Koht

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the clubs
Not a singer was singing, not even in dub

With all this silence, this peace and this lack
The Rock Show could only take time and look back

Last winter a MOLLY was FLOGGED in good cheer,
So I brought a Ukrainian who spilled then her beer

She stepped on some toes and started a fight
With some shoeless soul, it wasn't quite right

Then GWAR came to town and we were all fodder
For buckets of blood and slime cannon water

The GODDESS OF FUNK brought us forro and rhumba
Then later danced with BATS named MAKUMBA

On St. Patrick's Day made quite a scene

With gravel and pluck and harmonies tight
Proved that a banjo makes everything right

Then ZAP MAMA followed with voices so tight
And filled up the RIO for all of the night

The lights all went off, but they didn't go

They brought out a lantern and huddled so near
Then sang CC Rider and drove out the fear

Summer brought TALIB and his Beautiful Struggle
Of ghetto survival and beats that were juggled

LHASA sang songs of her philosopher dad,
Of reincarnation and how not to be sad

Then ROBERT KEEN, that masculine wag
Told us about HANK stuck in Philly in drag

Nicotine and Gravy I think I'm going crazy
Cause BECK'S up onstage, that boy is so amazing

JOHN ELLIS comes from east Carolina
What other word rhymes except for vagina?

DAVID LEE ROTH is the king of bad taste
But so entertaining for such a waste

MARC RIBOT plays guitar with ironic smirks
And gives every tune its own little quirk

MONTEREY JAZZ had too much to see

BILLY IDOL's career is a sign of the beast
His rehashed moves must simply be ceased

But CAKE came off as funny and fresh
Though the autoslap could have used a rest

MIDNITE played in an air of natural mystic
Yet despite all the haze, they're still quite artistic

MOS DEF came to Breed Love and play all the new shit
And didn't comply when the drunks called for hits

Then came this band with a singer named BONO
How to sway an arena, I think they all know

Now that these couplets of shows have been penned
Its time to go now and call it "The End."

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