Summer’s here and the drinking is easy—or at least it should be. To help out folks who are looking for a new day-drinkin’ BFF, our taste testers sacrificed themselves in the name of scientific research. We set out to responsibly taste test the trendiest new crop of canned, boxed, balled and otherwise contained cocktails. These are the results of our experiences. Cheers!
Best Starter Booze: Beat Box
Overview: From the leak-free, totally resealable, eco-friendly “juice box” design with bright hues to the swirly line drawings and animations straight out of a coloring book, everything about this brand screams out for the youthful drinker. This is “100% baby’s first juice-booze box,” snarked one taster. And while it is pitched as “the world’s tastiest party punch,” our tasters did not always agree.
One of the main issues (as with BuzzBallz, see below) is the use of an ingredient called “premium other than standard orange wine.” While we have no idea what that even means (apart from the obvious), this tends to create a sticky-sweet-aspartame taste with a nasty-gross aftertaste that lingers. For a while. We found the flavors Orange Blast and Fruit Punch to be completely undrinkable, with one taster saying “this is the flavor of the last thing I drank before I puked.”
That said, the Green Apple flavor tastes almost exactly like the Jolly Rancher hard candy and the color is so green it could easily be The Hulk’s signature cocktail. Hard Tea was a favorite among tea drinkers (duh), but not so much among our non-tea folks. But with 11% alcohol, only 100 calories and just 4 grams of carbs, Beat Box offers the highest “buzz-per-calorie” rating in our overall test. Just be forewarned about that funky orange wine.
The Deets: 11.1% alcohol; 100 calories; 4 grams carbs
Fave Flavors: Green Apple, Hard Tea
Didn’t Love: Exclusive Shaq Flavor Blueberry Lemonade, Pink Lemonade
Absolutely Hated: Orange Blast, Fruit Punch
Best All Around: VMC
Overview: We enjoyed absolutely everything about this line of canned cocktails made with blue agave tequila. We also got a lot of thumbs up and heart emojis from our friends on social media, where VMC is getting a lot of (forgive us) buzz lately. From a marketing standpoint, if Beat Box is for your young, maybe-still-pimply VR-gamin’ cousin who just came of drinking age, VMC is for your beautiful, sophisticated niece who dresses impeccably, likes gold and wants a drink that doubles as an accessory (when she finishes her Matcha). This is the quintessential drink for posing poolside. Our tasters also felt the flavors were fresh, light and tasty and “you could easily chug” these drinks if the situation called for that, as it sometimes does. We taste. We don’t judge. We were disappointed that the Tamarind flavor was not in the sampler we purchased, because that sounds delicious.
The Deets: 5.5% alcohol; 130-150 calories; 10-14 grams of sugar
Fave Flavors: Jamaica Hibiscus Cocktail and Margarita
Didn’t Love: Paloma smelled like Fresca, which was nice, but had a too-sweet, almost powdery consistency
Best Frozen Solid: Cut Water Spirit Pops
“The ice is nice and crunchy,” our taster said. “This would be great for those who like to munch on ice.” Cut Water spirit pops are like “Otter Pops with benefits” according to another taster. And that is an apt description because they are exactly like an Otter Pop, with that same packaging, easy grab and go convenience and no cup or glass needed. Plus, they come with great flavor and a nice little kick of alcohol. Our tasters liked the crunchy first bite, but also enjoyed the pop once it reached more of a slushy consistency. It’s unclear if they would remain fully frozen in a cooler at the campsite, picnic or the beach, but frozen solid straight out of a freezer, they were refreshing, icy-cold and satisfying. Following the recommendation of friends, we tried freezing a few of the Beat Box flavors, which didn’t work because, well, the box froze and then we couldn’t get any of the liquid out. But with the Cut Water pops, you simply cut the plastic top off and push the frozen part up. We’ll say it again: Otter Pop with a kick, anyone? Count us in!
The Deets: 5.9-7% alcohol; 80 calories; gluten free
Fave Flavors: Rum Mojito, Rum Mai Tai
Didn’t Love: Chocolate Banana…which probably doesn’t need an explanation
Best After Alligator Wrestling: Cayman Jack
“This is something I can drink around my guy friends without apologizing that it’s not a beer,” said one of our male tasters. “It’s very manly.” While the gals in the group were not exactly sure why that mattered, it did definitely seem like the more testosterone you had, the more you liked this brand. Stunned that the standard Cayman Jack margaritas have 33-38 grams of sugar per can, we decided to try the “zero sugar” Margarita sampler pack. While they were not as pleasing as the VMC margaritas, they were fine enough. While sort of “meh” and nothing to write home about, for the manly-men out there looking for a highly masculine non-beer alternative on the next fishing, cross bow or hunting trip, we raise a glass!
The Deets: 4.8% alcohol; 100 calories
Fave Flavors: Mango, Strawberry Margarita
Didn’t Love: Passion Fruit Margarita, Margarita
The Best Balls: BuzzBallz
Of all the pre-made cocktails generating buzz out there today, few are doing it better than BuzzBallz. Whether it’s the little ballz (6 oz.) or the “Biggie” ballz (1.75 liters), they seem to be bouncing around everywhere. As deeply committed researchers, we gave our all to this exercise and tried no fewer than 12 BuzzBallz flavors. We had some very low scores with flavors such as Berry Cherry Limeade, which sounds like it’s having a massive identity crisis, and Horchata, which all of us WANTED so much to love, but just couldn’t. It was awful. The only flavor we liked LESS than Horchata was the Hazelnut Latte, which has the sad distinction of being the only flavor in this entire project that got a ZERO rating from everyone who tasted it.
We discovered that the trouble with BuzzBallz is similar to the issue with Beat Box, but in the case of BuzzBallz it’s peach (not orange) wine. What’s the problem? “It tastes like ass,” our most emphatic taster offered up.
But never to be called out for our lack of commitment—remember, we tried 12 flavors—we had the most heart for the Chili Mango flavor (which surprised us all) and the Tequila Rita (which surprised no one). The Cran Blaster flavor also pleased some of our tasters.
But overall we sort of struggled to see what all the buzz about BuzzBallz is about. We questioned if we weren’t young, hip or cool enough—even though we are all of those things! We ultimately arrived at a few flavors we would willingly drink…and not just because it’s the last thing in the cooler at the end of the party. But it took a lot of work and the vile aftertaste of that peach wine almost wasn’t worth it.
What’s funny about BuzzBallz is despite being a so-called pre-made cocktail, they still seem like they are missing something. Many times our tasters found themselves saying, “if you just put some more coffee in it” or “it needs lime, salt and cilantro” or “if you added a little Irish Cream or Kahlua”…which sort of defeats the whole notion of a pre-made cocktail. That said, these little ballz could also play nicely as a mixer in a blended drink where additional zhuzh can help mask the nastiness of that peach wine.
The Deets: 15% alcohol; 197 to 297 calories
Fave Flavors: Chili Mango, Tequila Rita
Just OK: Choc Tease, Espresso Martini, Forbidden Apple, Cran Blaster, Peach Ballz, Strawberry Rita
Didn’t Love: Berry Cherry Limeade, Lotta Colada, Horchata
Absolutely Hated: Hazelnut Latte
The Best of the OG Cans: High Noon
Yesterday…today…tomorrow. Like true love, we are forever here for the High Noon. It’s the OG of OGs in the canned seltzer category, alongside White Claw and Truly, which all of our testers agreed are all still quite good, if a little played out. But there’s just something about High Noon that stands apart. We got the sampler that included Grapefruit, Pineapple, Watermelon and Black Cherry—and every flavor rated at least an 8 on our 1-10 scale. Our tasters had previously experienced Mango and that was also considered a favorite. In 2023, High Noon was the top-selling “RTD” (Ready To Drink) brand and by all accounts they are still going strong.
The Deets: 4.5% alcohol; 100 calories; 2.6 to 3.0 grams sugar
Fave Flavors: Grapefruit, Pineapple, Watermelon and Black Cherry
Didn’t Love: We’ve never met a High Noon we don’t like!
Best Regional Bevvie: West Peak
One of the newest entrants to the canned cocktail game is Santa Cruz’s own West Peak. True to its local roots, West Peak’s marketing claims it is “not just creating a new product, we’re igniting a rebellion against the mundane.” They seek to achieve this by offering the refreshment of a seltzer with the complexity of a cocktail. Our tasters especially liked the Sparking Tequila Paloma which the label says contains a hint of ruby red grapefruit and sea salt, both of which rang deliciously true on our taste buds. The sea salt in particular was a nice addition—fresh and unexpected in terms of the taste, but also charming in a nod to the ocean environment from which the West Peak brand originates. The Sparkling White Rum Cooler claims a hint of Yuzu lemon and Ume plum, neither of which we were familiar with, but make for a clean, light, refreshing thirst quencher. “I could see these being a huge hit with the La Croix, Spindrift crowd when they want an added kick,” said one taster, referencing two popular brands of canned sparkling waters. “Seltzer water with benefits, perhaps?” asked another taster. “Exactly!”
The Deets: 6% alcohol; 140 calories; 2 grams sugar; gluten free
Fave Flavors: Sparkling Tequila Paloma, Sparkling White Rum Cooler
Didn’t Love: Sparkling Vodka Punch
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