After decades of researching health and wellness trends, from nutrition science to the latest nervous system hacks, I’ve come to two conclusions. First, most of us could benefit from a little more self-understanding. Second, there are 10,000 ways to get there, which can feel a little mindboggling. Pun absolutely intended.
Personal growth isn’t always graceful. I’ve had my own collection of false starts. But completing a master’s degree in psychology opened my eyes to something important: so much of what drives our choices happens beneath the surface. Hidden beliefs, old stories, unconscious patterns, we all have them running in the background like tabs on an overloaded browser.
Now, if you’ve spent any time exploring wellness in Santa Cruz, you know there’s no shortage of ways to untangle them. Beyond traditional therapy and the well-known Cognitive Behavioral, or CBT approach, there’s ACT, DBT, EMDR, art therapy, somatic or body work and brainspotting, to name a few.
Locally, we’ve added our own distinctly Santa Cruz flavor to the mix: ecstatic dance, singing circles, sound healing forest bathing, and yes, even cuddle therapy. Depending on the direction, healing can look like deep psychological insight or crying in a yurt while someone plays crystal bowls.
On one hand, all these choices can feel overwhelming. Therapy takes time, vulnerability and a not-insignificant financial investment. Plus, it takes a few sessions before you know whether the therapist or the practice is truly the right fit. Is it better to simply tune in to Dr. Phil? Not according to research.
The secret sauce
In a sea of options, research consistently shows that the single biggest predictor of healing isn’t the modality itself. It’s the therapeutic relationship. In other words: do you feel safe, seen and understood by the person sitting across from you?
That can be reassuring news in a world overflowing with wellness trends. Because while approaches differ, healing often begins the same way: through safety and connection, curiosity and the willingness to understand ourselves a little more deeply.
In this 2-part series, I’m going to explore some of the many approaches to uncovering hidden beliefs, subconscious patterns and deeply held pain that keep us from living life to the fullest. I believe that no amount of self-study or episodes of Oprah can reveal what arises in a real relationship, so if you’re ready to take that next step, I hope these insights will help.
A personalized approach
Maaliea Wilbur, founder of Santa Cruz and Los Gatos-based Therapy Works, says, “While traditional talk therapy is a valuable foundation, many of our therapists integrate additional evidence-based approaches to support clients in more meaningful and effective ways.”
Wilbur further explains that at TherapyWorks, “we often remind people that therapy isn’t just about talking, it’s about finding what truly helps you feel better. Approaches like art therapy, creative expression, somatic-based work, and even walk-and-talk sessions offer more natural, personalized ways to process emotions and reduce stress.”
Her theory is that when therapy meets people where they are, it becomes more accessible, effective, and impactful, supporting lasting results.
I appreciate the menu of options, and as someone who has a hard time sitting still, I love the idea of a walk and talk session.
Acceptance and Commitment (ACT) and Parts Therapies
Expanding on the alternative approaches, I spoke with Licensed Marriage and Family therapist Audra Nelson, who helps clients better understand the hidden emotional patterns shaping their lives through Parts Therapy and ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Her work is rooted in the belief that many of the coping behaviors we develop in childhood, people pleasing, perfectionism, shutting down and overreacting, begin as protective “parts” created to help us feel safe, loved or accepted. While those strategies may have once served a purpose, Nelson says they can continue “running the show” well into adulthood.
Through Parts Therapy, Nelson helps clients identify these younger emotional parts with compassion rather than judgment. Often, people aren’t fully aware of why they keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns in relationships, work or family dynamics. By bringing attention to these inner parts, clients can begin healing old wounds and responding from a more grounded, adult place instead of reactive survival patterns.
Nelson also incorporates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which teaches clients to stop avoiding uncomfortable emotions and instead learn how to move through them with greater awareness and resilience. Rather than chasing constant happiness, ACT encourages people to build emotional flexibility, tolerate discomfort and cultivate deeper connection, authenticity and intimacy in their lives.
Today, most therapists, including those mentioned here, work remotely. Personally, I’ve done both remote and in-person therapy and my current practitioner is remote. She’s also the one I’ve most closely clicked with. Again, there is no substitute for the therapeutic relationship, so I suggest prioritizing finding your person over meeting in person, although you know what works for you.
My hope is that in the future we approach therapy less as a crutch and more as a superpower, a way to step more fully into our potential. And perhaps within this or the next column, you’ll find the approach or practitioner speaking expressly to you.
More coming next week.
Audre Nelson, LMFT
831.420.2040
https://www.audrenelsonlmft.com
Maaliea Wilbur, LMFT
My Therapy Works
831.234.6221
