I wake at four, twitching in the dark with pathological remorse over how I threw away my college education: in 1969 I dropped out of UCSC to become a professional folk singer. That led to a lot of construction work. With pre-dawn cortisol and adrenaline rushes. I conclude that I’m a waste of protoplasm.
Later that In the morning, my neighbor drops in to gift me some psilocybin mushrooms. A Jewish mystic, he tells me of a proverb that says divine light and healing can be released through brokenness. Leonard Cohen used that proverb in his song Anthem:
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Man, I would love to get some light in where I’m cracked.
Attempted microdose
I took a tiny amount of the mushroom, maybe the size of a pencil eraser, and walked to the gym. In 30 minutes, I felt high; so much for microdosing. It was akin to cannabis, but with no body euphoria; more of a calm in my head. Peace. There wasn’t the THC rush of muscle pleasure as I lifted weights, but what the psilocybin did do was stop the river of remorse flowing through my brain, my normal cast of scolding monkeys were quiet. The drug wore off after four hours, but the relaxed focus continued. Light got in through the cracks. Ah-ha! That’s what it’s like to let
those voices go.
There is a fair buzz going around about claims that small doses of psilocybin can lift moods laden with remorse, sharpen focus and fire creativity. The scientific evidence hasn’t caught up with the buzz, but long after Jimi Hendrix asked, “Are You Experienced?”, a new psychedelic culture has emerged; one talking about medicine, intention, integration, ceremony and guides. Sergio Nikita Lialin lives in that world.
Lialin, author of Healing the Modern Soul: Psychedelics, Ancient Wisdom, and the Healing Path of Awakening, will appear Oct. 2, from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m., for the Santa Cruz Psychedelic Society (SCPS) at the London Community Center. He tells me his interactive presentation will include building an altar, readings from his book and interactions of intention, gratitude and forgiveness. One of the conduits in the SCPS community is also psilocybin.
If you are new to psychedelics
Before you start tripping, please, please, please consult your medical advisor and someone you trust who is familiar with psychedelics. You may find something in this column that you might want to research yourself, but I am the kind of trail guide who says, “The hike doesn’t really start until we get lost”. If you want to learn how to safely use psychedelics, the Santa Cruz Psychedelic Society is one local place where people gather and exchange information.
How much mushroom does it take before you’re no longer “microdosing” and have boarded the psychedelic bus? Lialin defines a microdose as below the threshold where you feel intoxicated. “Microdosing is taking sub-perception amounts. If you can tell you’re high, you’ve crossed into a low dose.”
My gym excursion was low dose. At the other end lies what people may call the “heroic dose”; a full psychedelic experience. The neighbor who gave me the mushrooms said, “I guided one friend who opened a closet door, and he saw living skeletons of his dead relatives.” Holy crimmoly, we all have skeletons in our closet, but his were having a family reunion.
What qualifies someone to guide another human being through such a vulnerable state? Lialin says his qualifications come largely from 45 years exploring psychedelics and decades studying ceremonial practices. Around age 30, he traveled to Peru, Colombia, Costa Rica, Brazil and Mexico, apprenticing with people serving psychedelics in traditions including ayahuasca ceremonies and Mazatec mushroom practices. Lialin describes psilocybin as a “doorway to spirit” and mushrooms as partners in healing and awakening. Preparation, he writes, is essential, with intentions serving as “guiding stars.” Intention? The idea is to identify what you hope to explore rather than simply swallowing mushrooms and waiting to see what happens.
So, do you really need a guide?
Science hasn’t settled that question. Researchers still haven’t established what support improves outcomes. Lialin says a trusted sober friend may simply provide reassurance: somebody is there if you become frightened, sick or need assistance. You want someone who has had psychedelic experience. As another experienced psychedelic traveler told me, “If you’re going to be with another person, make it someone who has done it before; not someone who goes, ‘Skeletons? To the hospital!’ You want someone who can say, ‘It looks like you’re
having a challenging time. Hey, it’s half over. Here, try this orange.’”
The psychedelic renaissance has established that mushrooms can profoundly change consciousness. What science hasn’t established is who, if anyone, needs to sit beside us while they do. A psychedelic guide? A trusted friend? Someone who knows when to hand you an orange?
Do you have a lead on something trippy? Contact Ri*****@*************on.com
