If you find yourself looking to push the edges of self-expression, intimacy and connection you may want to try the Sauce, founder Bez Stone’s sexy, edge-pushing local monthly event. Today, after building a following of more than 200 attendees at its monthly gatherings, creator Bez Stone is taking the event on the road, locally, at least.
Traditionally held at the 418 Project, the Sauce is moving to a rotating lineup of Santa Cruz venues, beginning with the Santa Cruz Museum of Art & History (MAH). Future gatherings will include other locations, including Harvey West Park.
Stone, a Stanford-educated writer, sex coach and TEDx Santa Cruz speaker, describes the Sauce as the place where “conscious community and playful debauchery collide.” If that leaves you wondering exactly what happens there, you’re probably not alone.
Stone calls it an “educational party”, part sex and intimacy education, part community gathering and part sober dance party. There are workshops, music, dancing, conversation and opportunities to explore topics related to connection and sexuality. Costumes are encouraged, themes change and participation is always optional.
The evening begins with something you probably won’t find at your typical nightclub: a mandatory opening circle.
Stone reviews the rules and establishes expectations around consent and personal agency. Guests are expected to ask permission before touching others, and Stone emphasizes learning to recognize and communicate your own preferences and boundaries. Clothing stays on from the waist down; tops are optional. As Stone puts it, “It’s a sexy party, not a sex party.”
Creating that structure was essential to launching this business. With few opportunities for people interested in exploring sexuality and relationships in an intentional, sex-positive setting, Stone found a niche waiting to be filled. Now instead of traveling from Santa Cruz to similar events, people regularly drive from places as far as Oakland to attend the Sauce.
The audience is surprisingly diverse. Stone says attendees range from their 20s into their 80s, with the average participant somewhere in their 30s or 40s. The gatherings welcome singles and couples and have a strong queer and trans presence, along with a range of ages and body types. Of the roughly 200 people historically attending each month, Stone estimates around 15% are first-timers.
Which sounds really intimidating.
“They want to press an edge in a safe way,” Stone says. For some it’s about self-discovery, some come with partners to experience the workshops together, and others simply want to wander around and take it all in. Stone says newcomers frequently tell her afterward that the experience was far less intimidating than they expected.
That sense of permission may be especially meaningful for women. Stone says much of our understanding of sexuality comes from inherited cultural scripts. She wants participants to have room to explore what sexuality means to them personally, without feeling responsible for performing a prescribed role or responding to someone else’s expectations.
Moving beyond the 418 may help expand that vision.
The MAH, in particular, creates possibilities that a traditional dance venue doesn’t. There will still be a dance floor, but the museum allows multiple experiences to happen simultaneously. Stone envisions activities throughout the building, with something different offered each hour, including social spaces, workshops and a tea station on the rooftop deck.
The move also gives the Sauce an opportunity to distinguish itself from the ecstatic dance culture strongly associated with the 418 Project. Stone describes her event as landing somewhere between a nightclub and ecstatic dance or yoga: a sober environment with the energy of a club and clearly defined agreements around interaction.
For Stone, the new chapter represents something bigger than a change of address. She’s watched an experiment in sex-positive community-building grow into an event that regularly attracts hundreds of people, and increasingly draws participants from outside Santa Cruz.
“I’m proud of it because it’s a really high-quality event,” she says. And now the Sauce is ready to see what happens when it leaves home.
Elizabeth Borelli is a Mediterranean Diet and Lifestyle expert, teaching regular workshops and hosting events. Learn more at www.ElizabethBorelli.com.
