From all appearances, Erika Wennerstrom was doing great. Her band, Heartless Bastards, was a rising sensation on the indie-roots scene, garnering attention and acclaim for each of its five albums. Wennerstrom had established herself as a standout songwriter, and her soaring, distinct voice helped define a contemporary sound that blends psych, garage, rock and Americana with an independent ethos.
But something wasnโt right. And when the band decided to take a break, Wennerstrom felt lifted from a โself-imposed weightโ she didnโt know was there.
โI didnโt realize taking a total break was an option,โ she says. โThis band is a job for us. To me, the idea of a break was putting folks out of work.โ
Turns out that a break was just what Wennerstrom needed to revitalize her art and life. A creative floodgate opened and she wrote a solo albumโs worth of songs quickly and happily.
โIโve realized that, in life, youโve really got to put yourself first,โ she says. โWhen you do, it just brings out the best in you.โ She adds that if she had given herself a break earlier, maybe Heartless Bastards albums would have come quickly.
โThat self-imposed weight inhibited my creativity,โ she says. โI believe in everything I wrote in the past, but Iโve never flown through it. It was always a struggle to get to the final result and the end. Allowing myself those breaks and those moments might have been what I needed all along.โ
The result of her newfound freedom and creativity is Sweet Unknown, which was released in March. The album showcases a side of Wennerstrom that longtime Heartless Bastards fans havenโt seen. She is vulnerable, open and honest with both listeners and herself.
Wennerstrom credits the change, in part, to an ayahuasca retreat in the Amazon. She had some down time between the last Heartless Bastards album release and the tour and she wanted to do โsomething outside of mainstream white culture.โ Wennerstrom was battling depression and searching for healing in her life. She was taking care of herself, not drinking, eating well and exercising, but โnothing fully fixed the feeling [I] had.โ She became a workaholic, and tried buying things to fill the void, but nothing worked and she didnโt know where to turn.
โI realized that everything I was doing was really just avoiding myself and avoiding sitting still,โ she says. โThe idea of just sitting in stillness was something I constantly avoided.โ
As Wennerstrom tells it, ayahuasca forced her to face herself โin a way [sheโs] always avoided.โ
โIt told me a lot about myselfโthings that were issues in my life,โ she says. โEven things from childhood that I didnโt realize were issues. You canโt fix things you donโt understand. If I constantly avoided understanding there were issues, then I was never going to face myself. I couldnโt fix it if I didnโt allow myself to see it.โ
Wennerstromโs experience in the Amazon gave her a new perspective on herself and her music. Sweet Unknown is not a big stylistic sidestep from her Heartless Bastards records, but the content and spirit of it feels completely different. She sings about loneliness, transformation and needing something more. On โGood to Be Alone,โ she looks back on how things have been: โI donโt wanna spend the rest of my life this way/You know I needed a change/You know I couldnโt remain the same.โ
The album is full of realness, truth, struggle, surrender and acceptance. Looking back on her past records, you can catch glimpses of Wennerstrom searching for something deeper. On All This Time, the second Heartless Bastards record, she sings of โsearching for the ghost,โ which she explains is her search for โthe whole me.โ
Sweet Unknown sees Wennerstrom clear, shining and strong. Sheโs surrounded by โlots of wonderful people and a great team of musicians,โ and sheโs realized what brings her the sense of wholeness sheโs been seeking.
โIโm not dependent on anyone or anything for my own happiness,โ she says. โThatโs still a process that takes consistent work. But Iโm giving myself those moments to have some sort of gratitude. Through Heartless Bastards and all these albums, I think Iโve found myself, and who I am, and Iโm learning to stand on my own two feet.โ
Erika Wennerstrom will perform at 9 p.m. on Saturday, May 5 at Crepe Place, 1134 Soquel Ave., Santa Cruz. $15. 429-6994.









Cue snapping in formation, jeering gang members and some very manly pliesโ
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